dinsdag 21 november 2017
donderdag 19 oktober 2017
Almost famous.. or what was the point again?
Dear reader
Two years of freedom, of aimlessly floating in an ocean of time, of shamelessly procrastinating and in the end realizing that a little bit of stress and deadline pressure can work miracles... Miracles that obviously didn't happen so far. The book is yet to be written, the album yet to be finished, the business plan yet to be developed (the plan where tourists from Belgium come to Pirate Paradise for relaxing with yoga and singing circles etc, and musicians come to the Sound Temple to jam and record etc and visitors from allover visit to enjoy the garden, pick cherries, do some crafts, sing songs etc...).
A big chunk of the blockade that keeps me from getting all this stuff done or at least in progress, is laziness. Reading a book or watching some no-brainer in the comfort of my cosy home is so nice and safe, and free from sweat! Those dreams can wait!
Moreover, discipline has never been my strongest quality. Combined with my notorious impatience, this makes the second chunk. If it doesn't happen overnight, and my efforts have no immediate effect, I very quickly get frustrated and let the voices in my head convince me that I am inadequate, not talented enough, and that the entire project is obviously not for me. Nobody is waiting for this kind of uninteresting squabble anyway, so why even bother, and so on and so forth. Needless to say that these inner voices are far from motivating and have been quite the loyal saboteurs.
The third and most painful chunk is probably the fear of failure. The horror of the possibility of shame and embarrassment. What if I can't pull it off, what if I am not ready, what if nobody likes what I do. Reading Brenée Brown took some of the rough edges off, but there is still heaps of deep conditioning to be dealt with... the journey is long, the road is rocky!
And then sometimes I get these gushes of energy and inspiration, and get things done almost without thinking or effort. But these moments are no excuse for sitting around and waiting for them. I understand I need to get out there and do what I have to do, and that failure is most likely going to be part of it. And that's ok.
Being here in Belgium and teaching again made me realize stronger than ever that my dream is to make a living off my music. For as long as I can remember I had a hard time just admitting this to myself. Somehow I was ashamed of my ambition to 'sell' my music and ultimately 'sell' myself. It's music, it's sacred, it is there for everyone to enjoy, it is not even 'mine' but has been given through me for the world to receive it and be healed by it. So what right do I have to ask for money, the most mundane and unholiest of things! But it finally struck me: this money allows me to continue pursuing my passion fully! It pays the bills, puts food on the table AND gives me the possibility to invest my time in writing songs, to pay musicians, recording studio's, new instruments and whatever else is needed to fulfill my destiny as a musician. And isn't this what we all are here for? Fulfilling our destinies? Some people are happy to contribute, and I am worthy. I am worthy!! Repeat 108 times...
The kickstarter I launched end of the summer was no huge success (we raised 300 euro out of 2000) but it was not in vain. Some people actually did support the project, some of which I don't even know. So there is hope, there is opportunity.
Getting gigs in Bruges is not coming easy either. I don't get invited, and I don't like insisting. Selling myself is tough. I often just think it is not the right time and things will work out in their due time. Excuses or wise words? Hard to tell the difference sometimes!
Now I signed up for a marketing course I can't afford, so the ante's up. Wish me luck and most of all courage to overcome the blockades I know so well by now.
Thank you for your love and support,
Tinie Bop
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1705717644/tiniebops-first-album-and-pirate-paradise-retreat
Two years of freedom, of aimlessly floating in an ocean of time, of shamelessly procrastinating and in the end realizing that a little bit of stress and deadline pressure can work miracles... Miracles that obviously didn't happen so far. The book is yet to be written, the album yet to be finished, the business plan yet to be developed (the plan where tourists from Belgium come to Pirate Paradise for relaxing with yoga and singing circles etc, and musicians come to the Sound Temple to jam and record etc and visitors from allover visit to enjoy the garden, pick cherries, do some crafts, sing songs etc...).
A big chunk of the blockade that keeps me from getting all this stuff done or at least in progress, is laziness. Reading a book or watching some no-brainer in the comfort of my cosy home is so nice and safe, and free from sweat! Those dreams can wait!
Moreover, discipline has never been my strongest quality. Combined with my notorious impatience, this makes the second chunk. If it doesn't happen overnight, and my efforts have no immediate effect, I very quickly get frustrated and let the voices in my head convince me that I am inadequate, not talented enough, and that the entire project is obviously not for me. Nobody is waiting for this kind of uninteresting squabble anyway, so why even bother, and so on and so forth. Needless to say that these inner voices are far from motivating and have been quite the loyal saboteurs.
The third and most painful chunk is probably the fear of failure. The horror of the possibility of shame and embarrassment. What if I can't pull it off, what if I am not ready, what if nobody likes what I do. Reading Brenée Brown took some of the rough edges off, but there is still heaps of deep conditioning to be dealt with... the journey is long, the road is rocky!
And then sometimes I get these gushes of energy and inspiration, and get things done almost without thinking or effort. But these moments are no excuse for sitting around and waiting for them. I understand I need to get out there and do what I have to do, and that failure is most likely going to be part of it. And that's ok.
Being here in Belgium and teaching again made me realize stronger than ever that my dream is to make a living off my music. For as long as I can remember I had a hard time just admitting this to myself. Somehow I was ashamed of my ambition to 'sell' my music and ultimately 'sell' myself. It's music, it's sacred, it is there for everyone to enjoy, it is not even 'mine' but has been given through me for the world to receive it and be healed by it. So what right do I have to ask for money, the most mundane and unholiest of things! But it finally struck me: this money allows me to continue pursuing my passion fully! It pays the bills, puts food on the table AND gives me the possibility to invest my time in writing songs, to pay musicians, recording studio's, new instruments and whatever else is needed to fulfill my destiny as a musician. And isn't this what we all are here for? Fulfilling our destinies? Some people are happy to contribute, and I am worthy. I am worthy!! Repeat 108 times...
The kickstarter I launched end of the summer was no huge success (we raised 300 euro out of 2000) but it was not in vain. Some people actually did support the project, some of which I don't even know. So there is hope, there is opportunity.
Getting gigs in Bruges is not coming easy either. I don't get invited, and I don't like insisting. Selling myself is tough. I often just think it is not the right time and things will work out in their due time. Excuses or wise words? Hard to tell the difference sometimes!
Now I signed up for a marketing course I can't afford, so the ante's up. Wish me luck and most of all courage to overcome the blockades I know so well by now.
Thank you for your love and support,
Tinie Bop
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