dinsdag 21 november 2017
donderdag 19 oktober 2017
Almost famous.. or what was the point again?
Dear reader
Two years of freedom, of aimlessly floating in an ocean of time, of shamelessly procrastinating and in the end realizing that a little bit of stress and deadline pressure can work miracles... Miracles that obviously didn't happen so far. The book is yet to be written, the album yet to be finished, the business plan yet to be developed (the plan where tourists from Belgium come to Pirate Paradise for relaxing with yoga and singing circles etc, and musicians come to the Sound Temple to jam and record etc and visitors from allover visit to enjoy the garden, pick cherries, do some crafts, sing songs etc...).
A big chunk of the blockade that keeps me from getting all this stuff done or at least in progress, is laziness. Reading a book or watching some no-brainer in the comfort of my cosy home is so nice and safe, and free from sweat! Those dreams can wait!
Moreover, discipline has never been my strongest quality. Combined with my notorious impatience, this makes the second chunk. If it doesn't happen overnight, and my efforts have no immediate effect, I very quickly get frustrated and let the voices in my head convince me that I am inadequate, not talented enough, and that the entire project is obviously not for me. Nobody is waiting for this kind of uninteresting squabble anyway, so why even bother, and so on and so forth. Needless to say that these inner voices are far from motivating and have been quite the loyal saboteurs.
The third and most painful chunk is probably the fear of failure. The horror of the possibility of shame and embarrassment. What if I can't pull it off, what if I am not ready, what if nobody likes what I do. Reading Brenée Brown took some of the rough edges off, but there is still heaps of deep conditioning to be dealt with... the journey is long, the road is rocky!
And then sometimes I get these gushes of energy and inspiration, and get things done almost without thinking or effort. But these moments are no excuse for sitting around and waiting for them. I understand I need to get out there and do what I have to do, and that failure is most likely going to be part of it. And that's ok.
Being here in Belgium and teaching again made me realize stronger than ever that my dream is to make a living off my music. For as long as I can remember I had a hard time just admitting this to myself. Somehow I was ashamed of my ambition to 'sell' my music and ultimately 'sell' myself. It's music, it's sacred, it is there for everyone to enjoy, it is not even 'mine' but has been given through me for the world to receive it and be healed by it. So what right do I have to ask for money, the most mundane and unholiest of things! But it finally struck me: this money allows me to continue pursuing my passion fully! It pays the bills, puts food on the table AND gives me the possibility to invest my time in writing songs, to pay musicians, recording studio's, new instruments and whatever else is needed to fulfill my destiny as a musician. And isn't this what we all are here for? Fulfilling our destinies? Some people are happy to contribute, and I am worthy. I am worthy!! Repeat 108 times...
The kickstarter I launched end of the summer was no huge success (we raised 300 euro out of 2000) but it was not in vain. Some people actually did support the project, some of which I don't even know. So there is hope, there is opportunity.
Getting gigs in Bruges is not coming easy either. I don't get invited, and I don't like insisting. Selling myself is tough. I often just think it is not the right time and things will work out in their due time. Excuses or wise words? Hard to tell the difference sometimes!
Now I signed up for a marketing course I can't afford, so the ante's up. Wish me luck and most of all courage to overcome the blockades I know so well by now.
Thank you for your love and support,
Tinie Bop
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1705717644/tiniebops-first-album-and-pirate-paradise-retreat
Two years of freedom, of aimlessly floating in an ocean of time, of shamelessly procrastinating and in the end realizing that a little bit of stress and deadline pressure can work miracles... Miracles that obviously didn't happen so far. The book is yet to be written, the album yet to be finished, the business plan yet to be developed (the plan where tourists from Belgium come to Pirate Paradise for relaxing with yoga and singing circles etc, and musicians come to the Sound Temple to jam and record etc and visitors from allover visit to enjoy the garden, pick cherries, do some crafts, sing songs etc...).
A big chunk of the blockade that keeps me from getting all this stuff done or at least in progress, is laziness. Reading a book or watching some no-brainer in the comfort of my cosy home is so nice and safe, and free from sweat! Those dreams can wait!
Moreover, discipline has never been my strongest quality. Combined with my notorious impatience, this makes the second chunk. If it doesn't happen overnight, and my efforts have no immediate effect, I very quickly get frustrated and let the voices in my head convince me that I am inadequate, not talented enough, and that the entire project is obviously not for me. Nobody is waiting for this kind of uninteresting squabble anyway, so why even bother, and so on and so forth. Needless to say that these inner voices are far from motivating and have been quite the loyal saboteurs.
The third and most painful chunk is probably the fear of failure. The horror of the possibility of shame and embarrassment. What if I can't pull it off, what if I am not ready, what if nobody likes what I do. Reading Brenée Brown took some of the rough edges off, but there is still heaps of deep conditioning to be dealt with... the journey is long, the road is rocky!
And then sometimes I get these gushes of energy and inspiration, and get things done almost without thinking or effort. But these moments are no excuse for sitting around and waiting for them. I understand I need to get out there and do what I have to do, and that failure is most likely going to be part of it. And that's ok.
Being here in Belgium and teaching again made me realize stronger than ever that my dream is to make a living off my music. For as long as I can remember I had a hard time just admitting this to myself. Somehow I was ashamed of my ambition to 'sell' my music and ultimately 'sell' myself. It's music, it's sacred, it is there for everyone to enjoy, it is not even 'mine' but has been given through me for the world to receive it and be healed by it. So what right do I have to ask for money, the most mundane and unholiest of things! But it finally struck me: this money allows me to continue pursuing my passion fully! It pays the bills, puts food on the table AND gives me the possibility to invest my time in writing songs, to pay musicians, recording studio's, new instruments and whatever else is needed to fulfill my destiny as a musician. And isn't this what we all are here for? Fulfilling our destinies? Some people are happy to contribute, and I am worthy. I am worthy!! Repeat 108 times...
The kickstarter I launched end of the summer was no huge success (we raised 300 euro out of 2000) but it was not in vain. Some people actually did support the project, some of which I don't even know. So there is hope, there is opportunity.
Getting gigs in Bruges is not coming easy either. I don't get invited, and I don't like insisting. Selling myself is tough. I often just think it is not the right time and things will work out in their due time. Excuses or wise words? Hard to tell the difference sometimes!
Now I signed up for a marketing course I can't afford, so the ante's up. Wish me luck and most of all courage to overcome the blockades I know so well by now.
Thank you for your love and support,
Tinie Bop
woensdag 2 september 2015
Never going back
Hello dear reader,
oh my it has been a while! I was too busy living it out, enjoying the scenery, connecting to heaps of wonderful people and places. The last twelve months have been such an amazing rollercoaster, I can't even begin to explain. Most important of all, I feel like I accomplished the mission of figuring out whether Bulgaria is 'my' place or not.
Well, guess what... it sure as heck is! I feel more connected to Bulgaria lately than to Belgium. Once again I was hosted by one of the most beautiful souls alive, my mentor and spiritual mom and sister Tsvety, at the Happy House. Then I survived the winter, renting a sweet little appartement in Bansko, skiing and snowboarding a lot and creating music. It was mostly a time for solitude and contemplation. I read more into the Gene Keys and spent a lot of time in my own company, which was actually quite enjoyable. In the spring I found a wonderful guitarist who was motivated to play and rehearse my latest songs, with the eye on future shows in bars and possible bigger venues. We got to work without big expectations, knowing that we would best bring a percussionist and a bass player to the mix to make a decent show. Then, end of May, Vipassana came on my path, what a blessing! Ten days of silence and meditation turned out to be exactly what I needed. Many things from the past were processed and a deeper stage of healing was initiated. In June I finalized the buy of the perfect property in a village close to Kyustendil. Less and less time was spent in the city so eventually the music rehearsals went out the window. More time was spent in the village and in nature. More and deeper connections were established with the Bunovo family. And I got surprisingly swept off my feet by the latest Rebel King from Pirate Paradise. To be in love with this remarkable man, to rise in love, and to love without desire have probably been the most rewarding and heart opening challenges so far. I feel my heart stir as I am writing this. It has been hard on my ego to let go of all expectations and demands and to completely surrender to this feeling of love no matter what. And Jah bless, it has been most inspiring. I can almost feel the presence of angels by my side, guiding and protecting my journey through and to True Love.
And now I am here, in good old Bruges. It is not a return to the well known, but a continuing of the journey. The familiar is an invitation to be open and new and to shed revitalising light on old patterns. Much is yet to be done as far as keeping the cool with my parents is concerned. As a wise master once said, it is easy to be spiritual and zen, until you spend ten days with the folks.
In meantime school has started again, old colleagues and new students were greeted, c'est reparti pour un tour. I found a nice new home in the top floor studio of a nice house near the railway station in Bruges, so I can bike or take the train to the two workplaces, being Bruges and Blankenberge.
Jusqu'ici, tout va bien.
I would like to express my gratitude to all the people who have supported and inspired me along the way, up to this very day. I love you more than words can express. You are the Great Spirit manifest, every single one of you. Jay!!
Until next time dear reader, godspeed!!
Love, Tinie xx
oh my it has been a while! I was too busy living it out, enjoying the scenery, connecting to heaps of wonderful people and places. The last twelve months have been such an amazing rollercoaster, I can't even begin to explain. Most important of all, I feel like I accomplished the mission of figuring out whether Bulgaria is 'my' place or not.
Well, guess what... it sure as heck is! I feel more connected to Bulgaria lately than to Belgium. Once again I was hosted by one of the most beautiful souls alive, my mentor and spiritual mom and sister Tsvety, at the Happy House. Then I survived the winter, renting a sweet little appartement in Bansko, skiing and snowboarding a lot and creating music. It was mostly a time for solitude and contemplation. I read more into the Gene Keys and spent a lot of time in my own company, which was actually quite enjoyable. In the spring I found a wonderful guitarist who was motivated to play and rehearse my latest songs, with the eye on future shows in bars and possible bigger venues. We got to work without big expectations, knowing that we would best bring a percussionist and a bass player to the mix to make a decent show. Then, end of May, Vipassana came on my path, what a blessing! Ten days of silence and meditation turned out to be exactly what I needed. Many things from the past were processed and a deeper stage of healing was initiated. In June I finalized the buy of the perfect property in a village close to Kyustendil. Less and less time was spent in the city so eventually the music rehearsals went out the window. More time was spent in the village and in nature. More and deeper connections were established with the Bunovo family. And I got surprisingly swept off my feet by the latest Rebel King from Pirate Paradise. To be in love with this remarkable man, to rise in love, and to love without desire have probably been the most rewarding and heart opening challenges so far. I feel my heart stir as I am writing this. It has been hard on my ego to let go of all expectations and demands and to completely surrender to this feeling of love no matter what. And Jah bless, it has been most inspiring. I can almost feel the presence of angels by my side, guiding and protecting my journey through and to True Love.
And now I am here, in good old Bruges. It is not a return to the well known, but a continuing of the journey. The familiar is an invitation to be open and new and to shed revitalising light on old patterns. Much is yet to be done as far as keeping the cool with my parents is concerned. As a wise master once said, it is easy to be spiritual and zen, until you spend ten days with the folks.
In meantime school has started again, old colleagues and new students were greeted, c'est reparti pour un tour. I found a nice new home in the top floor studio of a nice house near the railway station in Bruges, so I can bike or take the train to the two workplaces, being Bruges and Blankenberge.
Jusqu'ici, tout va bien.
I would like to express my gratitude to all the people who have supported and inspired me along the way, up to this very day. I love you more than words can express. You are the Great Spirit manifest, every single one of you. Jay!!
Until next time dear reader, godspeed!!
Love, Tinie xx
dinsdag 20 januari 2015
Diving deep
They were all lining up getting the diving gear. The oxygen bottles were tested briefly, nobody seemed to be bothered that this testing was obviously bullocks. Sirens heart did it's drum and bass routine, a clear sign that she felt unnerved. This was going to be her first dive in a real sea, in an actual ocean actually. She was partnered with an young, goofy looking character that didn't necessarily arouse any more confidence.
"Have you dived before?" she asked him, trying to breathe an air of casual interest.
"Yes, once. But never as deep though, and never in an ocean like this."
Did she just detect a flicker of fear in his eyes? Oh lord, have mercy. This wasn't getting any better.
They were a big group of at least twenty, all glimmering in their black wetsuits, on the deck of a big boat. Everybody got ready to get in the water. Their boat was not the only one. In their close proximity there were two huge containerships, slowly making their way to their destination.
"Isn't it dangerous to dive so close to boats like these?" Siren asked Goofy, no longer trying to hide her concern.
"Yeah, it's just key to stay away from the engines. Like at least two hundred meters. The shitty thing is that it's hard to tell distances under water. I guess we best just stay on the flanks and try and avoid being in front or behind. Other than that, it's pretty cool. There is not much wildlife left in these waters so seeing these ships from underneath the water is kind of as exciting as it gets. We are lucky."
Siren, biting her nails, didn't share his excitement. She uttered a big sigh and went back to checking her straps and meters, until she got distracted again. Colourful shapes were floating all over the surface of the water, stretching from their boat to the containership. It was difficult to see what they were. Birds? Seals? She walked over to the edge of the deck to get a closer look.
"Oh my God. It's plastic!!" It looked like the contents of an entire landfill had been dumped in the water. Green and red plastic shopping bags bobbing on the waves, accompanied by rubber tyres, all kind of boxes big and small, and more bits and pieces of unknown origin.
"How can we dive in this mess?"
"Oh... " Goofy seemed to be lost for words for a moment. But he recomposed quickly and replied: "I guess we try to stay out of it. It's probably an interesting sight, all this plastic floating on and under the water."
It felt like a rock was pressing Sirens heart. This diving experience was turning out to be a mistake. But now that she made it this far, she knew there was no turning back. She was going to get into the water. No matter how afraid and disgusted she was.
They were the last pair to get in, so by the time they got ready to tumble into the waves, the first pair of divers already got out again. One of the two was a girl Siren used to be in high school with, a pretty close friend actually back when. But the friendship cooled off the day the girl betrayed Siren one way or the other. Girls in high school, whaddayaknow. Either way, this girl was now standing in front of her, dripping, and smiling, and obviously excited about her dive.
"It's really special down there, I have never seen anything like it. And I dive a lot, and I've been around. To see these containerships is one thing. It's cool and interesting but boring in a way you know? They are everywhere and it's not that special anymore after five or six times."
Ok, Siren thought, she's still pretty full of herself. The girl, in all her excitement, didn't notice Sirens cool glare and just babbled on.
"The plastic trash is amazing!! Deeper down it is not as dense and you can swim through it. It is pretty awesome to start recognising stuff, and it's been transformed by the ocean. Enjoy your dive!" And off she went.
Goofy was getting impatient to go so after one last inspection of the gear they finally went in. It was a sunny day so the light filtered through the water beautifully. The mass of plastic in front of them was waving and throbbing, like it was alive. A huge sea monster, born out of consumerism. It was so big that it blocked the light and caused a thick darkness to one side of it. Siren and Goofy signalled eachother to stay on the sunny half and slowly dove deeper along the monster. The deeper they went, the less dense the trash became, just like her old classmate had told them. It did become darker here, and the moving rubbish created cilinders of shadow shooting into the darker depths. The pair carefully made their way into the minefield of plastic remains. Not as explosive maybe but just as awful. The little life there was left was eating this, got trapped in this, choked on this. But strangely enough it was beautiful. Hundreds of nylon bags, slowly, weightlessly moving about, somehow reminded her of jelly fish. Siren ventured through the shadows, in awe for this dead but still lively and colourful landscape. Looking up, seeing the vastness of the manmade underwater island, she promised herself two things: one: I will never accept plastic bags ever again. two: I will dive again, in a clean ocean, full of real life.
This is one of the dreams I had last night. I added the ending. Hope you enjoyed it. Comments and possible interpretations welcome.
"Have you dived before?" she asked him, trying to breathe an air of casual interest.
"Yes, once. But never as deep though, and never in an ocean like this."
Did she just detect a flicker of fear in his eyes? Oh lord, have mercy. This wasn't getting any better.
They were a big group of at least twenty, all glimmering in their black wetsuits, on the deck of a big boat. Everybody got ready to get in the water. Their boat was not the only one. In their close proximity there were two huge containerships, slowly making their way to their destination.
"Isn't it dangerous to dive so close to boats like these?" Siren asked Goofy, no longer trying to hide her concern.
"Yeah, it's just key to stay away from the engines. Like at least two hundred meters. The shitty thing is that it's hard to tell distances under water. I guess we best just stay on the flanks and try and avoid being in front or behind. Other than that, it's pretty cool. There is not much wildlife left in these waters so seeing these ships from underneath the water is kind of as exciting as it gets. We are lucky."
Siren, biting her nails, didn't share his excitement. She uttered a big sigh and went back to checking her straps and meters, until she got distracted again. Colourful shapes were floating all over the surface of the water, stretching from their boat to the containership. It was difficult to see what they were. Birds? Seals? She walked over to the edge of the deck to get a closer look.
"Oh my God. It's plastic!!" It looked like the contents of an entire landfill had been dumped in the water. Green and red plastic shopping bags bobbing on the waves, accompanied by rubber tyres, all kind of boxes big and small, and more bits and pieces of unknown origin.
"How can we dive in this mess?"
"Oh... " Goofy seemed to be lost for words for a moment. But he recomposed quickly and replied: "I guess we try to stay out of it. It's probably an interesting sight, all this plastic floating on and under the water."
It felt like a rock was pressing Sirens heart. This diving experience was turning out to be a mistake. But now that she made it this far, she knew there was no turning back. She was going to get into the water. No matter how afraid and disgusted she was.
They were the last pair to get in, so by the time they got ready to tumble into the waves, the first pair of divers already got out again. One of the two was a girl Siren used to be in high school with, a pretty close friend actually back when. But the friendship cooled off the day the girl betrayed Siren one way or the other. Girls in high school, whaddayaknow. Either way, this girl was now standing in front of her, dripping, and smiling, and obviously excited about her dive.
"It's really special down there, I have never seen anything like it. And I dive a lot, and I've been around. To see these containerships is one thing. It's cool and interesting but boring in a way you know? They are everywhere and it's not that special anymore after five or six times."
Ok, Siren thought, she's still pretty full of herself. The girl, in all her excitement, didn't notice Sirens cool glare and just babbled on.
"The plastic trash is amazing!! Deeper down it is not as dense and you can swim through it. It is pretty awesome to start recognising stuff, and it's been transformed by the ocean. Enjoy your dive!" And off she went.
Goofy was getting impatient to go so after one last inspection of the gear they finally went in. It was a sunny day so the light filtered through the water beautifully. The mass of plastic in front of them was waving and throbbing, like it was alive. A huge sea monster, born out of consumerism. It was so big that it blocked the light and caused a thick darkness to one side of it. Siren and Goofy signalled eachother to stay on the sunny half and slowly dove deeper along the monster. The deeper they went, the less dense the trash became, just like her old classmate had told them. It did become darker here, and the moving rubbish created cilinders of shadow shooting into the darker depths. The pair carefully made their way into the minefield of plastic remains. Not as explosive maybe but just as awful. The little life there was left was eating this, got trapped in this, choked on this. But strangely enough it was beautiful. Hundreds of nylon bags, slowly, weightlessly moving about, somehow reminded her of jelly fish. Siren ventured through the shadows, in awe for this dead but still lively and colourful landscape. Looking up, seeing the vastness of the manmade underwater island, she promised herself two things: one: I will never accept plastic bags ever again. two: I will dive again, in a clean ocean, full of real life.
This is one of the dreams I had last night. I added the ending. Hope you enjoyed it. Comments and possible interpretations welcome.
woensdag 10 december 2014
In the Waiting Room of Life?
In the Tarot one of the Major Arcana's is trump XII, the Hanged Man. It represents the human experience of feeling blocked in an unpleasant position, of wasting time, of being unable to move forward and getting frustrated about this. But this stagnation also is an opportunity. It gives us time to do some inner work, to get our mind sorted, to develop certain skills, in short to prepare for the next phase we so eagerly want to start but are not ready for yet. So instead of being frustrated it's also possible to sit back and relax, cease the opportunity to learn, and practice patience.
This is what I am dealing with here now.
And it is not always clear what to focus on, what to let go of.
This is what I am dealing with here now.
And it is not always clear what to focus on, what to let go of.
maandag 24 november 2014
Back on the horse
Dear reader
It almost makes me laugh, this attempt to finally get back on the horse and blog again. It's not that I don't have things to say. But there are so many excuses to keep me from writing. I tell myself nobody is waiting for this. Or I start over-editing myself, getting more and more upset about my lack of writing skills. Well it's a blog, not a fucking novel. Moreover, whoever sets eyes on this is free to read it or ignore it, love it or hate it. The ultimate reason not to blog is that I am reluctant to open up about personal stuff, especially when there is other people involved. I can use aliases or first letters I guess but that wouldn't make much difference to the aforementioned characters. The easiest way out of this is to not worry about what 'they' think. Elisabeth Gilbert did it. I have no intention to badmouth or diss anybody. Love conquers all. And there is always the possibility to leave a comment in case certain things I write cause any disturbance.
Ok after this quite lengthy disclaimer I get to it :)
For those of you who have no idea what I am doing or where I am doing it: I am in Sofa, Bulgaria, on the second year of a sabbatical that I took in an attempt to figure out where I want to settle down, if I can do it in Bulgaria, whether or not I can survive the cold winters here. With this absurd amount of time on my hands I am also enjoying doing the things I really like and developing these talents, being singing, songwriting, making the occasional necklace or bracelet, reading the tarot, and, the hardest and most challenging, this: writing. I am learning every day, about myself, about what works for me or doesn't. This sabbatical grants me the space to follow my heart and see how my life enfolds accordingly. In meantime I meet tons of beautiful people who help me in the process, by supporting and inspiring me. It feels like I get to choose my family here, the tribe I want to work and live with. I believe Bulgaria has the same healing capacity as Israel. My heart is opening and growing a little more every day.
I am living in the Happy House with Tsvety, Leonid, Teddy and Misho. I met them the first time I came to Bulgaria and today they feel like family. This is a true blessing I cannot express enough gratitude for. I don't know what I would do without them, especially Tsvety. Besides from offering me a warm nest to stay and feel home, she is a mentor, a shining light, an important example. She is the one who keeps inspiring me to never stop loving myself, to not give up and to love the people around me unconditionally. It's an ongoing challenge, and obviously there are many obstacles. But she's living it, doing it, no matter what. You are beautiful Tsvety!
The quest for a house is not so simple. Mostly because I am not even sure what I am looking for. I am still hoping to fall in love with a place, a house, a piece of land. This hobbit house is still haunting me, but building a house from scratch is tempting and scary at the same time. The house issue brings up other, probably even more fundamental issues. Looking at the renovating or building of a house, it automatically makes me wonder who is gonna do it? Do I pay some contractor and a bunch of builders for it? Or do I gather the tribe and make it a family effort? And am I willing and ready to commit myself to a group like this? Do I wanna share this home experience? And if so, with whom? Is it a good idea to buy a lot of land and initiate some sort of community? A lot of questions and there is so far only one thing I know for sure: I need support. From friends, from my partner. Which finally brings me to my heart's desire: to meet this man who wants to be with me as I want to be with him. Sharing the love and the life. Doing the crazy project. Commit. Have a family. It scares me off my wits. But I want to experience this.
So as you can tell, not very original. Just a girl living her life, dreaming away, and trying to enjoy what the day brings. Next time more about the music.
Godspeed friends, have a great day!
Tinie xox
It almost makes me laugh, this attempt to finally get back on the horse and blog again. It's not that I don't have things to say. But there are so many excuses to keep me from writing. I tell myself nobody is waiting for this. Or I start over-editing myself, getting more and more upset about my lack of writing skills. Well it's a blog, not a fucking novel. Moreover, whoever sets eyes on this is free to read it or ignore it, love it or hate it. The ultimate reason not to blog is that I am reluctant to open up about personal stuff, especially when there is other people involved. I can use aliases or first letters I guess but that wouldn't make much difference to the aforementioned characters. The easiest way out of this is to not worry about what 'they' think. Elisabeth Gilbert did it. I have no intention to badmouth or diss anybody. Love conquers all. And there is always the possibility to leave a comment in case certain things I write cause any disturbance.
Ok after this quite lengthy disclaimer I get to it :)
For those of you who have no idea what I am doing or where I am doing it: I am in Sofa, Bulgaria, on the second year of a sabbatical that I took in an attempt to figure out where I want to settle down, if I can do it in Bulgaria, whether or not I can survive the cold winters here. With this absurd amount of time on my hands I am also enjoying doing the things I really like and developing these talents, being singing, songwriting, making the occasional necklace or bracelet, reading the tarot, and, the hardest and most challenging, this: writing. I am learning every day, about myself, about what works for me or doesn't. This sabbatical grants me the space to follow my heart and see how my life enfolds accordingly. In meantime I meet tons of beautiful people who help me in the process, by supporting and inspiring me. It feels like I get to choose my family here, the tribe I want to work and live with. I believe Bulgaria has the same healing capacity as Israel. My heart is opening and growing a little more every day.
I am living in the Happy House with Tsvety, Leonid, Teddy and Misho. I met them the first time I came to Bulgaria and today they feel like family. This is a true blessing I cannot express enough gratitude for. I don't know what I would do without them, especially Tsvety. Besides from offering me a warm nest to stay and feel home, she is a mentor, a shining light, an important example. She is the one who keeps inspiring me to never stop loving myself, to not give up and to love the people around me unconditionally. It's an ongoing challenge, and obviously there are many obstacles. But she's living it, doing it, no matter what. You are beautiful Tsvety!
The quest for a house is not so simple. Mostly because I am not even sure what I am looking for. I am still hoping to fall in love with a place, a house, a piece of land. This hobbit house is still haunting me, but building a house from scratch is tempting and scary at the same time. The house issue brings up other, probably even more fundamental issues. Looking at the renovating or building of a house, it automatically makes me wonder who is gonna do it? Do I pay some contractor and a bunch of builders for it? Or do I gather the tribe and make it a family effort? And am I willing and ready to commit myself to a group like this? Do I wanna share this home experience? And if so, with whom? Is it a good idea to buy a lot of land and initiate some sort of community? A lot of questions and there is so far only one thing I know for sure: I need support. From friends, from my partner. Which finally brings me to my heart's desire: to meet this man who wants to be with me as I want to be with him. Sharing the love and the life. Doing the crazy project. Commit. Have a family. It scares me off my wits. But I want to experience this.
So as you can tell, not very original. Just a girl living her life, dreaming away, and trying to enjoy what the day brings. Next time more about the music.
Godspeed friends, have a great day!
Tinie xox
zaterdag 24 augustus 2013
My healing heart, my singing soul
Dear reader,
a new day, a new dawn, a new life! I turned 34 (whoa!) and I'm feeling good :-) Celebration of the full moon at the Rainbow Gathering near Krumovgrad, was at the same time the perfect bdayparty. I'm very happy to have had my first Rainbow experience, met many lovely people and just enjoyed the shanti shanti that is so eminent there.
Now I'm back in Kran, with the weekend off since Dimo is delivering Biotor in Sofia. I am considering to go check out a traditional folklore festival in a village called Zhernovo (or something) and meet Sophie there, and join her to her place. the thing is that she's at that festival as we speak and I don't have her number, so I'm not sure if I should just go... I must admit I am a little bit reluctant to leave my comfort zone here, I love staying here with Dimo and I am so used to this place by now. But maybe all the more reason to get a move on, getting too attached isn't healthy anyway.
Some more pics!
a new day, a new dawn, a new life! I turned 34 (whoa!) and I'm feeling good :-) Celebration of the full moon at the Rainbow Gathering near Krumovgrad, was at the same time the perfect bdayparty. I'm very happy to have had my first Rainbow experience, met many lovely people and just enjoyed the shanti shanti that is so eminent there.
Now I'm back in Kran, with the weekend off since Dimo is delivering Biotor in Sofia. I am considering to go check out a traditional folklore festival in a village called Zhernovo (or something) and meet Sophie there, and join her to her place. the thing is that she's at that festival as we speak and I don't have her number, so I'm not sure if I should just go... I must admit I am a little bit reluctant to leave my comfort zone here, I love staying here with Dimo and I am so used to this place by now. But maybe all the more reason to get a move on, getting too attached isn't healthy anyway.
Some more pics!
Abonneren op:
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